Hello My Beautiful People!
Wow it feels good to be back? Of course I say that with hesitation because my last post was a coming back post, and this post is a coming back post…I probably shouldn’t make this my theme.
Anyway, obviously I have some stuff to talk to you about because it’s been forever and a day. Currently, my mind could accurately be described as a ball pit at a fast food restaurant. I have no idea what’s going on in there and I kinda don’t want to even touch it without the proper tools.
There are two roots to the new found problems I have encountered, which is probably more anxiety than depression (see What’s The Word😉). Those two things are living almost completely by myself for the first time in my life, and a special club that I can’t talk about…you guessed it, greek life!
Now, don’t you go thinking I’m going to change everything (because you know me on a very personal level…not) because I’m a part of greek life. Honestly, it isn’t even the largest factor. I just think that it’s helped me grow as a person and shown me parts of myself that I did not know were there before. The biggest example is that I establish a very deep, one sided, caring relationship with people almost as soon as I meet them, and that make the whole possibility of not getting in unnerving. Also, I learned that when people corner me I get anxious! I’ll talk more about this in another post that is probably coming soon, so stay tuned!
The bigger problem in my life right now is the vicious cycle that I have created for myself by living mostly alone. To lay it out nicely for you, I will make a list;
I love sitting in my room alone and decompressing after a long day. Or taking a nap, reading, watching youtube, literally anything else other than human interaction. So, I start to tell myself it’s ok to sit in a room by myself for endless hours. I’m here to tell you, it is NOT a good use of your time. Decompressing is just being lazy if you haven’t done anything else today!
This is when you go, “I wish I had someone to watch this movie with” and there’s no one there because all your other friends are out doing something social and better than what you had planned.
3. Making Plans
I don’t know about anyone else, but when I spend to long in my room, I have to actively motivate myself to leave, which normally means establishing a plan. For example, when am I leaving for class, what do I have to do while I’m out for class, does that leave me enough time to come back to my room, if not what can I do in that little amount of time. Alternatively, I plan out exactly what I’m going to get to eat, or where exactly I’m going to sit in the library, etc. (These are all good methods btw!)
4. Actually Going Out
You go out into the beautiful world, take it all in, and are then forced to interact with people. Immediately you wish you could be back in your anemone where no one else can come in and bother you. This step of course leads back to the first, therefore restarting the vicious cycle.
And there you go. This is exactly how I’ve been living. Though it may be relatable, I strongly suggest you avoid it, especially if you find your self at stage one for a whole weekend, because eventually those friends from stage two will disappear, unfortunately. Or that may just be me and my experience.
Well I hope this was helpful, although it probably wasn’t. I actually promise I’ll update soon with some greek life stuff and maybe some solutions to the above mentioned vicious cycle.
The Eternal Introvert